Think quick—what would you rather do: stand up and speak in front of 100 people or be caught without any clothes on? Would you believe that baring it all comes out ahead almost every time? That’s because public speaking is reported to be the #1 fear of American adults. To help us understand how we can overcome our fear of standing up and being heard, I recently spoke with Janet Esposito, author of In the Spotlight: Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking and Performing, who shares her five step process.

Janet, in your book, In the Spotlight, you talk about how there is a lot of shame surrounding our fears of public speaking or performing—we don't want to admit to ourselves or others that we have this fear.

This is so true. It's a source of shame for many and I believe that the first step to overcoming your fear of public speaking or performing is to recognize that you are definitely not alone. It is a conditioned response in our nervous system and does not reflect a character flaw or weakness. Though people are often secretive about having this fear and may be able to hide it from others, it is the most common type of fear people have. In fact, most people who have this fear are highly capable and accomplished.

How does the fear of public speaking develop?

The second step to resolving your fear of public speaking or performing is to get a better understanding of it. Typically, a combination of nature and nurture is at play in the development of this fear. Most of the people who have this problem tend to be more anxious in certain circumstances and their fight or flight response is triggered automatically. Also, some life experiences along the way may have created a need for approval from others; a fear of criticism, judgment, and loss of control; and a loss of trust in ourselves (and often in others as well).

Understanding the origin of this fear and how it might have taken hold in your life is generally helpful in coming to greater self-acceptance about it. I work with my clients to develop a kind and compassionate inner voice and to learn to support themselves when they're facing this challenge rather than getting frustrated or disappointed with themselves over this.

Okay, so let's say we've admitted to ourselves that we have this fear and we want to work on it so it doesn't hold us back. What's the 3rd step to mastering this fear?

If we are committed to reducing the fear and building more confidence and trust in ourselves with public speaking or performing, then we can start that process by de-mystifying our fear—the third step. We can begin by taking a step back from our fear and reflecting on our experiences with speaking or performing. I ask readers and new clients to take some time to answer thoughtfully the following questions…

• When did your fear of public speaking or performing begin and how has it evolved over time?
• How have you tried to cope with this fear and how much avoidance have you done?
• What types of thoughts, beliefs, and images do you have related to public speaking or performing that has fueled fear or self-doubt in you?
• What do you want to be doing differently in your professional or personal life when you no longer suffer from the limitations of this fear?

And what if we examine our fear, become more accepting of it, and yet still can't make peace in the moment with that heart-racing anxiety when we're called on to speak or perform in public?

That brings us to the 4th step: One of the key strategies we must develop is to change our relationship to our fear. We have to make peace with our fear and stop being terrified of this feeling. This comes with practice, with continued public speaking or performing while practicing methods that provide inner support.

We really need to learn to think and say different things to ourselves when the fear arises. Instead of being so reactive to the fear and thinking, “Oh no, here it comes again! I can't stand this feeling. What if I can't pull it together and people see what a basket case I am?” we need to consciously work on speaking to ourselves in a way that creates feelings of increased safety and comfort.

Saying what, for example?

“I know this is very uncomfortable, but it's okay that I have this feeling. This feeling won't hurt me and I just need to ride the wave for now and focus on things that calm and support me. I need to go with the flow and let whatever happens be okay. This feeling will come and go from time to time and I can handle it. I need to breathe deeply and ground myself and keep my focus as positive and powerful as possible.”

One of the most successful tools that you teach in overcoming the fear of public speaking or performing is to realize it's not about you. Can you elaborate on that?

Yes. When we're speaking or performing in public, we are often consumed by feelings of fear and self-consciousness and we worry about what others will think of us. We are especially concerned about what others will think if they see how anxious and afraid we are. We fear that others will think less of us, that we'll lose credibility and respect, and that they will think there is something wrong with us. The more consumed we become with ourselves, the more distance we create between ourselves and our audience.

The solution to breaking this cycle of self-preoccupation and negative self-focusing is to take our focus off ourselves and to put our focus on our audience—that's the 5th step. Our attention needs to be directed toward what we can do for our audience, not on how the audience views us. As a speaker or performer, it is helpful to put our energy into making the audience feel welcome and at ease, as though we are a gracious host or hostess and we are welcoming them into our home. We can ask ourselves resourceful and empowering questions such as, “How can I best serve the needs of my audience? What can I do that might add the most value to the experience of those in my audience and might make a difference in their lives?”

Our audience has a lot going on in their lives and we are not the center of their universe. Our importance to them is relative to how we meet their needs. So, it's important to remember it is not about you… it is about what you can do for others. When you are speaking or performing, I encourage you to care more about others than you do about yourself. Instead of being focused on your own self-concerns, be a willing spirit and lead with your heart, generously contributing what you have to offer.

~ Jill Daniel

Janet Esposito conducts “No More Stage Fright” workshops as well as individual phone coaching for anyone suffering from public speaking or performance anxiety. Her next book, Resolving Stage Fright, is due out later this year.

For more information, please visit No More Stage Fright.

Photo Credits: iStockphoto.com

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